I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
