I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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