Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
