Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
