No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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