Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
