We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
