Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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