Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
