happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
