dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
