I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
why is half of my head shaved?
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