Cold hands, warm shart.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
