ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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