I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
