So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
