It's like God shit irony all over that family
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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