It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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