i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
