I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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