pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
