Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize