every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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