Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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