My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
