It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
