Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
