the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
