How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
