your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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