i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
