Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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