I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As shirtless as possible
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
