Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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