So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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