Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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