mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
