Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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