Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
