They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize