I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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