TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
