this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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