# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
