I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
