I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
