True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize