so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
