I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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