Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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