It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
