I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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