If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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