there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
