I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
