apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
