he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
