Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
