Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
