Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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