Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize