bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
