She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
